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Linda Rue Quinn
“Mom? Everything’s okay, but . . .”

I’m going to form a support group. “Parents of Teenagers” or “P.O.T.” for short. We’ll even set up a hotline for those times when your teenager seems suicidal because he keeps doing things that he knows will make you want to strangle him. 1-800-HELP-ME.

This number could also be used for those questions that are always in the back of my mind, such as, “Does a black hole really exist in my daughter’s bedroom?” or “Why do we keep finding the hand soap in her room?” We don’t ask her anymore. We just give her a strange look as we take the hand soap and return it to its home, knowing it will end up back in her room for some secret governmental science project that she’s working on.

Maybe the hotline could be used to answer questions about how to get the stains out of her carpet. So far, the list includes red and orange paint, corn syrup, blue food dye, fingernail polish and remover, and let’s not forget the soot stain leading to her balcony door from the fire. Fire, you ask? Oh, that’s another story…

Excerpted from I Wanna Be Sedated: 30 Writers on Parenting Teenagers Copyright 2004 by Linda Rue Quinn