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Jeffrey K. Wallace
Shopping for Kotex

Once a year, my wife leaves town without me. She flies to Denver to visit her sister. They get together to climb mountains, count calories, and talk about how independent their mother was. I get to stay home with the kids.

I welcome these little breaks. I get to go to bed alone and turn up the TV as loud as I want, and I make lots of jokes about throwing big, messy parties with live music and strangers in our living room. I wouldn’t actually do that kind of thing, of course--not with the kids around, never in this neighborhood--but I wouldn’t mind knowing a few guys who would.

When I dropped Katherine off at the airport, she gave me a squeeze and kissed me with her eyes wide open, right there on the sidewalk, by the baggage handlers. And I knew by the look in her eye that she was warning me: if I screw this family up while she’s out of town, I’m toast...

Excerpted from I Wanna Be Sedated: 30 Writers on Parenting Teenagers Copyright 2005 by Jeffrey K. Wallace