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W. Bruce Cameron
Teenager Owner's Manual

Congratulations! You are now the proud new owner of a teenage daughter. Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the maintenance of your new daughter and answers important questions about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to return the product to the factory for a full refund).

IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR: To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenage girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she (a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing? (b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth (except when requesting money)? (c) sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry? If you answered “yes” to any of the above, you have received the correct item. Nice try, though…

Excerpted from I Wanna Be Sedated: 30 Writers on Parenting Teenagers Copyright 2002 by W. Bruce Cameron